I'm reminded of the end of "Michael Clayton", a recent movie, where after everything that happens to the guy, he just gets into a taxi cab and when asked by the driver, "What are we doing here?", gives the guy a bill and simply says, "Here's 50 bucks worth, just drive." It's a sentiment I can understand, though I've found myself wondering about it recently. Thinking of why a person would do such a thing, the only idea I have is that the guy simply wanted to get as far away from it all as he could (both literally and figuratively), and barring the actual ability to just fly away from it he did the next best thing he could and hopped in a cab.
It's a strange thing to consider, but sometimes we just want to be moving, want to be in motion, want to feel like we're leaving the past behind us. When we cross a new threshold in life, the feeling of motion can just put a person at ease in a way nothing else can. I've recently begun to think about this more and more. Especially when I travel. But what in my past do I want to get away from? And what future am I moving towards?
It's useful at different periods in our lives to have some indicator of how much time is going by. When we're young it's easy. Not only have we lived for much shorter a period of time, making it easier to keep track of it all, but every year is a new grade at school, and often we have a new teacher and different classmates to help us differentiate from the last. As we get older and leave school behind, it becomes a little more difficult. We now have longer personal histories to remember and the years begin to add up and trail into one another. I often have trouble remembering how old I was when I did one thing or another and it's only after some thought about the other crucial events in my life that I'm able to figure it out. Generally I have to ask myself a question like: Where was I living when that happened? (since I've moved generally every 1-3 years), or Who was I dating?, or Where was I working? In some way or another, I think we all use some sort of an important event in our lives as an indicator of time within our personal histories. One set of indicators I realize I don't have that many others do has to do with what children they have, and in keeping track of their kids' ages or grades in school they find themselves anchored a bit more. Looking at the last three questions which I have a habit of asking myself has made me think that up to this point, my life has really not been all that stable considering my girlfriend, job, and place of residence all seem to change within about 1-3 years.
Now I've begun to think, as well, that the trips I take abroad are beginning to occupy that same function, and I sometimes find myself asking if I'd travelled to this place or that before event A or B or whatever occurred. When I went to Australia for the first time, I felt like a burden had been lifted off me. It was the first time I travelled since I had left Parkside House. Since moving, since Rich and everything else. Those were low times. I felt like I was moving away from it all then, leaving it all behind me. I've never realized before how cathartic an effect it all has for just this reason.
While many people have a habit of taking a vacation back to their favorite place, I've generally always looked to try and go to new ones, usually as different as possible. I like the element of discovery and exploration which doesn't tend to come so often when you've already been to a place. Being in a familiar place puts one at ease, but while you might be sacrificing that ease for a sort of tension in a new environ, you also sometimes gain surprise and delight. But all this isn't to say that you can't also feel free and relieved anyways. Regardless of if you're going to a familiar place or a new one, you're still miles away from your problems and from all the trappings of your regular, everyday life.
I've been trying to write about what realizations I've had with each new travel, and one other thing that's come to mind on my recent trip to India is how seeing so much more of this world has left me wondering just where I stand in all of it now. For a long time now I've had a different sense of morality than many others might, but sometimes I've really gotta wonder: Just what sort of sense of right and wrong am I even left with?
Sometimes when a person travels, they'll see things that would absolutely repulse other people. India actually has quite a few things I can think of right off the bat; It has the highest number of truly "arranged marriages" in the world; It is pretty much the only country to industrialize to some degree and still remain polytheistic (on the whole, nearly every other culture on the planet believes in only one god though they differ on which -Yaweh, Buddha, Allah, the Christian God); Impoverished people are looked down upon, reduced to begging, and roam the streets with animals that do the same yet are considered sacred; The children of the impoverished are slaved to an extent that rivals any other country out there -including perhaps China. And yet, all I can think sometimes is: This is how they live, and it's been this way for untold amounts of time, who the hell are we to pass judgement on another's culture? Perhaps it really is true that seeing India will change a person. And it really only becomes more difficult when I think of the other places I've seen as well, more than a few of them have shown me something or another to put me at unease. Sometimes I really do feel like the more I see the less I know, and seeing more of this world is simply giving counterpoint to everything I thought I knew.
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